WALRUS COMIX PRESENTS:
An Exclusive Interview with Stand-Up Philosopher, Gadfly and Blogger Extraordinaire.... Jennifer Dziura

Recently I had the opportunity to sit down with Jennifer Dziura at ‘Le Gamin’ on West Houston. Jen is fast becoming a veritable New York City icon. A Fran Leibowitz -if you will - for a new generation. Of course she's not specifically an author, or ugly for that matter...but you get the point!

Perhaps best known for orchestrating the Williamsburg Spelling Bee at Pete’s Candy Store (written up in none other than the New York Times! …along with many other publications), she also writes the popular blog www.jenisfamous.com along with the ‘Sarcastic Sex Toy Blog’ .  If that wasn’t enough on her plate, Jennifer also produces the biweekly "Monday Evening Stand-Up" at Pete's Candy Store, was filmed as an expert on "how to be witty" for VH-1's reality dating show "Can't Get a Date," has written for McSweeney's, appeared on the nationally syndicated Bob & Tom radio show, and is a contributor to "The Idiot's Guide to Jokes" (Alpha/Penguin 2006).

So one hot day in July, we both sat down for a nice meal, ordered the #46 (Salade Gamin) and got down to brass tacks..

So for the sake of full disclosure, we should let the readers know that we once dated each other.

Ok…

Do you acknowledge this fact?

I’ll neither confirm nor deny it.

Do you look back on our time together fondly, or does it make you nauseous?

Are you sure you want your readers to know?

Yes we advocate total honesty at Walrus Comix, the unvarnished truth.

I think that you should wash your sheets more often. I’ll leave it at that.

Well that certainly paints a flattering picture of me… So.. We met each other about 3 or 4  years ago now. Back then you were doing the Adult Spelling Bee, I guess, it was just starting I think. You were also modeling, and working on your website www.jenisfamous.com.

That sounds accurate. I did run an adult spelling bee, it’s sill going on actually at a bar in Williamsburg, Brooklyn called Pete’s Candy Store.

How did that whole deal start?

My co-host Bobby Blue was a mariachi singer, who had the idea to start an adult spelling bee after seeing the movie ‘Spellbound’. So he had the first one, in September of 2004. I met him as a contestant to begin with. They needed someone to co-host, and read the words, and the bar asked me to come back and do that. It’s been called a cabaret style spelling bee, we have an official theme song, it’s a comic spelling bee, all the contestants get asked a silly ice-breaker question at the beginning. It’s a real spelling bee, the words are hard, but it’s also a funny spelling bee.

So Bobby Blue started it, but you’ve sort of become the recognized face of the bee have you not?

I wouldn’t say that. I think maybe I’m a little bit louder, but Bobby’s really the heart of the Spelling Bee and I think if it were me, by this time I probably would have signed Nike and really just sold out the whole thing, really just whored it out to the highest bidder. Bobby is more of a hardcore Williamsburg type, and you know, he keeps it real, keeps it within the community – that sort of thing. So we work well together.

That was really one of the first, if not the first adult spelling bee, starting that whole genre of adults playing children’s games as a fun night time activity right?

I think for New York, it was the first. I’m not 100% sure, but I’m pretty sure.. There’ve been others, but it’s really hard to keep that up for more than a couple of sessions. It’s interesting the kind of attention it’s attracted. The New York Times did a big article on it, which was great. We’ve also gotten more bizarre press, such as, The Tokyo Shimbun, The Sydney Herald and New Public Radio have all come at one time or another.

I remember, I e-mailed you, when Bill Maher actually referenced you guys on his show.

Yeah, that was right after the New York times article came out.

When you started the website Jenisfamous, you weren’t famous.

Well anyone who really is famous wouldn’t have a website that ends with ‘isfamous’..

Yeah.. but now, you’re actually kind of famous!

I think that’s the irony of the whole thing, we live in an era of reality television and fame for no reason, so I start this ridiculous website called ‘jenisfamous’

"At the time I registered the name, I kind of started with the thought that no one could spell the name Dziura, and then just moved into...really Dadaism.. well not really Dadaism, or it would’ve been like ‘Jen Is Eyeball’ or something.."

So you were being facetious with the title, let’s get that clear..

Yes. I was being facetious. At the time I registered the name, I kind of started with the thought that no one could spell the name Dziura, and then just moved into... really Dadaism well not really Dadaism.. or it would’ve been like ‘Jen Is Eyeball’ or something..

Well now you’re sort of like a indie/NY/hipster icon of sorts..

It’s a bit weird.. Someone I once dated told a friend of his that he was dating me, and his friend got all excited. I thought, ‘That’s pretty coo!l’, but it’s just one person.. you know.. I’ve been told that I’m ‘one in ten famous’, meaning that one in ten New Yorkers have heard of me. I think if you restricted that audience to people between 20 and 35 who read blogs, then yes, I’m probably one in ten famous. But we’re really cutting down demographics at this point!

So your venture into comedy, that came after the website…

See now you’re revealing all my dirty secrets here.. I like to pretend that I’ve been doing comedy since birth, you know that I arrived in NY and immediately became a success..

Above: Jen does her thing at Pete's Candy Store

Well we have to dispel these myths, we’re about vigorous veracity at Walrus Comix.

So you’re gonna tell people when I was down and out…?

You weren’t down and out really…

I was a little down and out.. That’s why you bought all the dinners!

Ok, you were a tad down and out! In fact I remember guiding you, giving you some kindly career advice!

Not effectively. (laughs)

I distinctly remember giving you some good advice!!

You told me to go get a 9-5 job and to work on my resume!

Well, that’s pretty good advice no?

That would not have led me to the career path I now enjoy.

You do tutor, that’s sort of 9-5 ish..

You can’t take credit for the idea of my wanting to make enough money to pay my bills!! That was not a brilliant concept that YOU came up with.

"There are many more comics than anyone wants to pay to see. So the fact that anyone would pay you anything to show up and do comedy shows that you’re wanted."

Well, we can agree to disagree… So let’s continue with your venture into comedy..

So after the impoverished modeling bit, I started doing comedy and blogging and it all sort of came together as this 'jenisfamous' creation and that’s kept me occupied for the last several years. I wouldn’t say I make my living from comedy, but I would say that I’m ‘semi-professional’, in that I don’t really show up anywhere unless I get paid. That’s a good way of putting it. So, I’m in a good place there. For me getting paid for comedy in a town that has way more comics than required, the laws of supply and demand are just completely reversed here.. there are many more comics than anyone wants to pay to see. So the fact that anyone would pay you anything to show up and do comedy shows that you’re wanted.

So what made you decide to jump to stand-up?

I took a comedy class.. and started that way. Then with the success of the Spelling Bee, I was able to expand into running an independent comedy show from the same location at Pete’s Candy Store. So once you run your own independent comedy show and mix with other comedians, they invite you to their shows, and you can pretty much get onstage as much as you want. Those are all below 14th street/Brooklyn sort of locations, so it tends to be for very similar crowds, but it’s good to get the stage time. So I did that for a couple of years. I consider myself a below 14th street kind of comic, but I also need to be able to adapt to other audiences. I think that a person’s job as a comedian is to entertain the actual audience that you have not some ideal audience that you wish you had, so I do like to get out to the Midwest and entertain ‘Mom and Pop America’.

How does your routine go over with ‘Mom and Pop America’?

Very well, when I’m in front of ‘my crowd’, and by that I mean people who’ve shown up to see me in particular, which is what happened when I recently booked a tour of solo shows through 8 cities in the south. Those are people that came out to see me in particular..

When you’re in the middle of nowhere, how do you get people to come to your shows?

It’s really hard, and a lot of work.. Let’s say.. Let’s pick a random city…Let’s say I wanna book a show in, like Paducah,

This poses the question, why would anyone wanna go to Paducah..

I said I was picking it randomly!! Ok, so I’m gonna e-mail some bars, and ask around, see what seems appropriate. Then I’ll pick a place, that part’s not that hard.. But once you’ve booked the show, you need to get someone to write about it. One way is to try and look for some decent blogs in the prospective city and e-mail them in a genuine way and get them interested in the show you‘re putting on..

Sounds like a lot of leg work..

Yes so much leg work.. So that’s one way, talking to bloggers, forming relationships that way. You have to be sincere though. The other thing is to do traditional PR, trying to get journalists to write about you in newspapers. Blogs are more effective though, due to the fact that there’s less lead time involved, you can get someone to write about your show in a quicker time frame. Since my audience is more of a blog reading audience, it works out well for me. Still, it is a tremendous amount of leg work..

"...I think if you’re in the middle of a freaking desert and you don’t even have access to like, videos of cats windsurfing or whatever, any kind of comedy is going to be welcome.."

Speaking about the middle of nowhere.. You’re going to Iraq to entertain the troops.

Yes I am. Iraq, Bahrain, Kuwait, D’jibouti.. maybe some other places, they don’t actually tell you the whole schedule. This is an AFE tour (Armed Forces Entertainment), it’s like the USO for less famous people. It’s me and 3 other comics. Recently, the Army cut off all access to sites like Youtube, and I think if you’re in the middle of a freaking desert and you don’t even have access to like, videos of cats windsurfing or whatever, any kind of comedy is going to be welcome..

Are you afraid at all?

Only about eating unhealthy food.. All the mess halls, you know? My mother warned me about this thing called ‘shit on a shingle’, apparently it’s like a sloppy joe on toast..

Well at least it’s not actually shit on a shingle..

No.

So aside from the shit on a shingle, you’re not worried for your safety? I’d be scared shitless..

It would be really bad PR for the military if a young female comedian were blasted to bits, I mean imagine if Jessica Lynch actually had a personality.. the military doesn’t need that.

Aside from the stand-up, you’ve been included in a lot of books lately..

I have, I have. It’s funny, I don’t think that I have the fortitude to sit down and write an entire book myself, but I keep getting asked to contribute to other people’s. So first I had some jokes in ‘The Idiot’s Guide to Jokes’ which came out in 2006, and that was really fun.

More recently, I was asked to contribute to a book by Jacob Kalish, called ‘The Compendium of Imaginary Fights’ I think that’s a hilarious idea for a book. The author has developed all these fictional match ups and he’s writing his predictions of who would win in a physical fight! Due to my philosophy background, I was asked to predict the outcome of ‘Voltaire vs Voltron’, ‘Plato vs Pluto (the dog), ‘Barbie vs Ken’, and ‘Married Gays vs Divorced Heterosexuals’. So I’ve written up all my predictions, although I can’t tell you. It’s a secret. You’ll have to read the book.

I also have a a humorous erotic fiction story coming out in a  book edited by former Village Voice sex columnist Rachel Kramer Bussel, so that’s pretty cool..

The weirdest thing that’s happened recently, is I’ve been asked to write a few pages of Wendy Shalit’s new book, ‘Girl’s Gone Mild’. Wendy Shalit, you might remember, from around the year 2000 published a book called ‘A Return to Modesty’, kind of a neo-conservative call for women to just ‘cover it all the hell up’. It was a very controversial book ,and in the intervening years we sort of struck up an e-mail friendship. That’s kind of a cool thing about having a blog, you just get to meet interesting people you might not normally meet under more conventional circumstance. Anyway, Wendy has a blog on modesty, and one day I was checking it out, and there was a story about a bunch of young Christian women putting on a fashion show in the basement of a church in the Midwest. So I posted a few instructions on how to put on a fashion show, to sort of make the experience less mortifying for the participants.

No satire involved, you were actually trying to be helpful?

Yes totally, I was being nice! I’ve been involved in a few fashion shows myself.. So I posted the instructions, on how to run a ‘modest fashion show’..anyway Wendy asked me if I could include those instructions in her book.. So I’m on pages 170-172 in ‘Girls Gone Mild’.  It’s funny, how there’s absolutely no context on why I would be included in the book, as our views are so polar opposite.  

Another interest of yours is debating. You recently were involved in a debate hosted by Dewar’s whiskey, on whether or not UFOs really exist.

Yes all throughout college and high school I was on the debate team, So I did a lot of debating..

A lot of mass debating?

Funny, no one’s ever made that joke before! (laughter) You should put in here a long pause for laughter here, laughing at your own joke for like a minute here..

Anyway..Not too long ago,  I got asked to participate in some debates by a debate society that meets in a bar in the lower east side called ‘The Athenium Society’..  So, while I was there, I was scouted by some people who work for Vice Magazine, and they have a lot of advertisers now, people trying to get in on all that hipster greasy coolness. Dewars, is one of their advertisers and they wanted to do some kind of event with Vice, so they decided to do a series of debates together and they hired me to do their first debate in which I debated a UFO fanatic. They didn’t want it to turn into a fiasco, so I guess they wanted one crazy person, and one sort of ‘everywoman’ which was my role. There was a lot of commentary when the Youtube clip went up on how I was a moron, and only there for my legs.. The thing is I thought I’d be standing, so I wore a skirt above the knee, but we wound up sitting, so it really wasn’t my fault.. It turned out all bare crossed legs..

So as a result of all this, Vice hired me to write a booklet called ‘The Vice Guide to Debating’ which was published as a pamphlet that was packaged with Vice magazine. It came out really well, with some adorable illustrations, and it’s sort of a facetious guide to how to win arguments. I was pretty proud of that.   

 

Above: Jen Debates Nuclear Physicist Stanton Friedman about UFOs for Vice Magazine

So, on a completely separate topic.. Should I mention that you got married?

Are you going to point out all my failures?? I was married less than 6 months, now I’m divorced.. Yay!!! I’m 28 and divorced!!!

So you got married after only knowing him for a week…

No more talking about it..  I got married once, it didn’t last, I’m 28 and divorced.

Well at least you’ve got a marriage under your belt, you got that out of the way.

Right, I’ve got that over with…I have a twin question for you.. You’re a twin.

Yes. Yes I am.

Have you ever switched off and had sex with each other’s girlfriends?

No. Never!

Never occurred to you?

Too many complications.. The only thing that ever came close was when we were 18, we both liked this girl Emily Moreau, and she wound up liking my brother a bit better, although I don’t think she liked either of us that much to tell the truth.. Of course no sex was involved…

If you had no ethics at all, and since you live together right? You could have sex with your girlfriend and then go off to the bathroom, and have the other guy comes back and say, ’hey, you wanna go again?’, then she thinks you have like infinite stamina!

Yeah, but I don’t want my brother having sex with my girlfriend!!

Yeah I guess nobody likes incestuous sloppy seconds..

So.. Comedian, Journalist, Model, Blogger, Debater!.. Is there anything else you want to branch off into? Acting maybe?

I’m a terrible actress, don’t ever hire me to act..

How about hosting a show?

I’d love to host a show.. That I think I’d be very good at! I’m also into veterinary opthamology… Actually, I’m off to L.A in a couple of days to do some professional blogging, I’ll be on the set of ‘On the Lot’, a reality show about film makers, and I’ll be blogging about that and then I’m off on the Armed Forces Entertainment tour.

Ok.. Let me ask you some quick final questions, and then I’ll let you go and work out..

Favorite film?

The Bride with White Hair

Favorite Cartoon Character?

The Mooninites from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Favorite Album?

Blood Sugar Sex Magik – Red Hot Chili Peppers. I was prohibited from owning it when I was in the 7th grade, so when I finally got it, it was very gratifying.

Favorite work out exercise?

Calf lifts on the leg press machine.. I can lift over 300 pounds with my calves!

Who are you gonna vote for in 2008?

I can’t say I’m super happy with any of the candidates, but It would be interesting if it came down to Giuliani and Hillary. So we could have a national debate about the second avenue subway line..